Locating the "Crazy"

In today’s dizzying world, change happens so fast and individuals carry so many varying responsibilities all at once. A person can easily feel overwhelmed, falling behind, and even “crazy.” “Crazy” is not such a politically correct word anymore, and many people don’t like to say it out loud. But in the safety of the therapist’s office, it emerges… the secret fear that one is “crazy.”

“What is wrong with me…?”
“Why can’t I…?”
“Sometimes I worry that I am crazy. I feel crazy.”

You may be picking up on something that is real and important. Take that feeling seriously, but don’t jump to the conclusion that it is you. Pause a moment to locate the “crazy.” Many times, especially as women, we assume, or we are told, that the “crazy” is in us. We believe that there is something wrong with us if we are struggling to fit in or we can’t cope. Sometimes that is true, but many times the “crazy” is in the situation. Many times life is just “crazy.” We find ourselves in “crazy” predicaments where not being able to fit-in or cope is actually typical or even “normal.”

When you find yourself in the midst of “crazy,” consider whether the situation can be changed. You might be surprised. You might be able to get the support needed if you speak up. If you step back and assess your options, you might be able to just walk away from the “crazy” situation. Unfortunately, sometimes there is nothing we can do to change the situation and we have no choice but to remain there. You might have to just muddle along the best you can. But to struggle without the added burden of thinking that something is wrong with you is a major improvement in your personal emotional experience.

The Need for New Definitions of “Normal”

I spend a fair amount of time in my psychiatric practice helping women come to terms with the idea that they are “normal.” These are incredibly competent, engaging, intelligent, kind, funny women who juggle work and family, maybe not always with ease, but quite well. In spite of everything they are able to carry on their plate, with only occasional spills, somehow these women doubt themselves. Deep inside they feel that something is “wrong” with them; that they are not doing a good job at life. I have been in this situation so many times that I have come to realize that good, competent women doubting themselves is a norm these days.

Why would this happen with such regularity? How is it that a large proportion of women have gotten the idea that they are “not normal?” First, let’s take a look at how “normal” has been defined. If, let’s say, normal was defined as having a Y chromosome, then 50% of people would, by definition, not be normal. We should then question that definition because it doesn’t make sense, at least for 50% of people.

I’m not saying that normal has been defined explicitly as having a Y chromosome, but maybe there has been a similar process going on. Much of psychological theory predates the women’s lib and civil rights movements. Of course, even more of psychological theory predates the rise of the internet. Sigmund Freud attended medical school in 1881. Although his psychoanalytic theory was informed by his work in psychiatric hospitals and by his research on hypnosis, much of it stemmed from his self-analysis. He often claimed he had little understanding of women.

Beyond the field of psychology, many other cultural ideas about how the classroom and workplace should function predate the large numbers of women who choose or need to work, to earn money, to achieve.

What if the current definition of normal is in fact normal… for a certain percentage of people? And, what if there are also other ways to be normal?

Genomics and medical research keep giving us an increasingly greater number of illnesses and disease models to diagnose with and be diagnosed with. New viruses and bacteria to worry about. New gene sequences that, we are told, encode stress, difficulty, or tragedy.

The world is changing at a faster and faster rate. These changes should not only prompt us to define new pathologies. We also need to continually understand and create new definitions of normal.