I’ve been thinking about the phrase “I love you.” People get really hung up on that sentence. People stress about when to say it. Many of us long to hear it. It’s a phrase imbued with so much meaning and import. I recently sentence diagrammed it (remember that from elementary school) and broke it into two parts. “I love” and “love you.”
People often use “love you” as a shorthand for “I love you.” It feels lighter, breezier. But “love you” is not a complete sentence. It lacks a subject. A complete sentence contains a subject and a verb. A subject and verb are all that is needed for a sentence to be complete. “I love” is a complete sentence. “Love you” is not.
When it comes to emotion verbs, we have a tendency to put the emphasis on the object. We put significance on that idea the object is loved, trustworthy, chosen even though the object is in the passive position. In the case of “love you,” we downplay the subject. You are loved…but by who? We cloud that information. We don’t want to own up to the fact that I am the one loving you.
The subject is the one doing the action.
I love. I trust. I choose.
In a way, it almost doesn’t matter who or what the object is. The significance lies in the subject doing this thing—loving, trusting, etc. And what an incredible act that is!
There are so many actions that we are more comfortable claiming. Even when they too are riddled with ambiguity.
I cook. (Certain things well, but not very often.) I run. (In my way, in stops and starts.) I work. (Yep.) I drive. (I’m a good driver.) I swim. (I enjoy it, but only in warm water.) I dance. (I enjoy it so much.) I learn. (I hope that I do.) I think. (I probably spend too much time at it.) I speak. (I like to, though I should probably try to listen more.)
Happy relationships and situations are ones that affirm that I love. Where I can love eagerly and with ease, in spite of occasional challenges. Where generating love is part of my sense of self.
I love can co-exist with respect for my own Self. Loving doesn’t require self-sacrifice. The fact that I love does not mean that I need to be everyone else’s mother. My love can stay alongside the boundaries that protect my ability to be myself in this world.
I love is simply a statement of my action. A recognition of a thing I am capable of doing. An ability in which I feel pride.